DARKNESS and then comes the LIGHT!

OK so for most members of the church you normally see other people struggle and never think that that will happen to you! Well it has for us. It started a few years ago and I had more than one life changing event and I guess the last one was more than I could handle. I had just watched my brother and sister in law get married in the Salt Lake Temple, an amazing experience in its self and you sit there in total awe of what is going on all around you! Things are going well, The doctors tell me that I am to healthy to be on the transplant list, this was the most amazing news that they could give me. We plan a family vacation and we are loving life, then bang it happens and I can't really say what happened because it is way to personal still and Doug and I have to make some choices. Choices I thought that I would never have to make. The choice is made and I am in the hospital again for some minor surgery and am starting to feel the resentment of choices that are made. That seemed to be the down hill that I have watched people around me go through, but thought that I was strong enough to weather. Boy I was wrong. I started working outside the home, and even though I was a mom and a wife I was resenting it all. I had to work Sundays to start out with and so that meant no church, which was mistake #1. Personal prayer was the second and family prayer was eventually scarified as well. SO mom's not going to church or reading or praying or going to the temple. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING! Doug finally followed suit and then it was no church for anyone, no prayer for anyone. I was failing as a mom, as a wife and as a sister. I have struggled to think of how we can get back on track. I quit the job that made me miserable, and we tried to quit the material world cold turkey, that didn't work. We went back to church really good for a while, but then there's that little stone that you trip over and fall flat on your face and can't get back up. As I am lying there wondering how am I going to get back up and become that woman, wife, mom and sister that I know that I am, most of all trying to figure out that I am a DAUGHTER OF GOD and doing all that I need to do to be worthy of his love.... Do you know how hard all that is to figure it out? TONIGHT I had one of those moments, Avery asked me about all the wars that are going on now and why. So this sparked a conversation about the SECOND COMING, and some of the signs of the second coming, it also sparked a conversation on worthiness and what we have to do to make sure we are worthy of such an Honor, and it clicked, not only for me did it click, but the boy's and Doug. Our kids have had some amazing example and were we have failed they have inspired and taught them, more than I ever realized, and I don't think I can ever say thank you enough! TOMORROW is a new day, one in which things will be different, one in which I KNOW that I am loved and even though I have had to make hard choices, I know those choices were the right ones and that I have a father that loves me and approves of those choices. I don't think it will be so hard to go to church now that it has finally clicked and the kids understand the importance of being there.